Rmb few days before my bday, I told qi my bday is a day where I am reassured of how loved I am by God, my friends and my family.. And tt's really all it means to me. There's no need for many things to be done. Just so long as I know my family and friends are there for me.
I rmb in secondary sch, my bday always fall on examination. And I used to have much expectations for bday and for special events like valentine's day. In Dunman High School, valentine's day and bday is like the more gifts and wishes you get, the more popular you are. And everyone wants to be popular.. and I do receive alot of gifts. And I prepare alot too. But at tt point of time, I think that when I give, in my heart, there's also a desire to want to receive too..
Gradually as I grow older, these things no longer are important, popularity or fame. To me it doesnt really matter. Last time, it is a great deal to me when my best frens forget to wish me or wishes me late. I have certain expectations about people around me. I rmb I was really so upset when my best friends wished me a day late for my bday coz they were too caught up with O levels. But as I grow older, I learn that these things are not so important anymore. I become more understanding towards people and I know everyone has their own life, own commitments and own sets of probs to worry about.. and it's okay for ppl to forget dates. coz I do tt sometimes too. So when people forget instead of being judgemental, I now try my best to understand things from their point of view. And most of the time I am able to. coz I know the heart of these friends of mine. And i understand that I myself am not perfect too. And that when I err, I know how much it means to be able to receive understanding and forgiveness from that somebody u feel u let down in one way or another. And so I give them willingly too.
I learnt the principle of giving.. about giving with an unselfish attitude and to give with a sincere heart to give. without expecting any returns. And it's good that God taught me all these. coz it really set me free from many feelings of anger, disappointment and sadness which I used to feel. Ever since I become a christian, it feels like I truly start to learn to live, everyday of my life. And every year's bday is a year of reminder that I am growing older. And as I grow older I must also learn to grow more mature. To grow in love and to grow in wisdom.
And I am glad, I am just able to spend moments before my bday just praying to God and spending time with Him, to give Him thanks for everything in my life. On my bday, I just really want to thank God for giving me this chance to live on this earth, for loving me and creating me. I want to thank God for a huge bunch of friends which I have. Acquaintances who care to drop me a bday blessing. Friends who I know through school, through events, who share common memories with me, who are part of me. Friends who I have lost touch with along the way. Friends who have been through thick and thin with me and who I know will be there for me no matter what happens in life. Friends who just happen to chance upon my life, but who I know are also God sent.
Friends. It's on bdays tt I pause n take time to catch up with them, to exchange words of love, and to let them know how grateful I am to be able to know them and to have them in part of my life. It's on bdays, I thank God for true friends. Who have gone through so much with me, who I have always give thanks for, and on my bday still willing to go an extra mile to do so much just to make me happy. Never expected so much so everything to me are huge huge surprises and huge doses of joy! Thank you Lord for all the close friends in my life. Thank you ping and qi for taking so much time to do my present. I would love anything done by the both of you. But efforts like tt make me feel extra touched. Thank you for taking so much time to organise and do so much for me. I've never had so many ppl celebrate bday tgt with me before. I am really happy, it's the company but more coz I am blessed by such great friendships. Thank you for always telling me how much I mean to the both of you, knowing how I would feel so inadequate and inconfident from time to time.. Thank you for accepting my weaknesses and still loving me the way I am. Thank you for giving me so much confidence in our friendships. We will continue to grow them just like how we've promised till in our old ages ya? my 2 best frens. I love the both of you very very much..
Thank you God for friends who I will treasure for life. For friends who love, for friends who care. Thank you for all the facebook msg-es and sms-es tt flood my notification and handphone. Thank you for phonecalls, even though some are missed calls. Thank you weilin for calling me all the way from overseas and for frens who call just to sing over the phone to me (: Thank you for friends who I know are busy/cannot make it but I know are thinking of me. Carmen, we'll have our post mini celebration ok! (: Claire Neo i miss you. dun worry, just concentrate on ur exam k. I know how much you want to be here with me and I am reserving time after tt just for you, I know you will fly down. Thank you Lord for friends who are willing to make time/overcome inconvenience just to come down to wish me/celebrate with me. Friends who are not staying in hall & friends who walk a long way over to my room just to pass me cards, letters and small gifts.. And thank God for friends who are able to share in the love which I received from my friends. May Lee do join us more often k? I miss your presence alot, my dear JC Best Fren (:
And this yr, unlike other yrs. I could feel how much my family loves me. Gor for all the little things like calling me to scold me but acty wishing me happy bday/commenting on my facebook. I know how much he cares. And also mummy and daddy. sorry i feel bad i came back home so late. should have spent more time with you all. Parents' love is really wonderful. Do so much wrong against them and sometimes upset them, yet they'll always continue to love us, no matter what.
Yes, and although towards the end, I felt a lil sad. But I know I am not going to let it spoil my day. Coz focusing on my other frens. I know I am really blessed. And I really want to be contented with what I have and not what I do not have. There are many people in this world crying out for love. Yet I receive so much of them. I am truly blessed. And I hope that the Lord will continue to use me to love those in the world who needs love so badly. Yea, so today is a really great day! really. And tml.. gonna spend with my 1406 girls. Though it's just gonna be a simple lunch and then mugging tgt! I am really looking forward to spending time with them.
Really, it doesnt take alot to make me happy. What matters to me is the heart. But sometimes, for some people, I don't understand why but I just find it difficult to comprehend their heart. I hope I can, I hope I do. But it's just difficult esp when the actions are not showing. And it hurts esp since I care so much. expectations? maybe. Just hope tt one day it'll all stop hurting. I know any time spent questioning about why things happen in ways which upset me, is just futile and torturing myself. and sometimes it's really just not worth it, esp since it's not sth within my control. So really just hope all these feelings will go away someday. I just want to focus my time and effort in building all the friendships and relationships which are present in my life now and which will grow and last.. stop expecting so much and just treasure what I have. still learning, hope I can master this one day (: But still, thank you for today everybody! love you all!
