And a huge happy 21st birthday to my dearest qiqi!
My best neighbour and fren!
Cant wait for ur bday celebration and stayover!
Love you loads! <3<3

rained @ 3:48 AM

The thing I find hard to do with my family... to press into their lives and share about mine, to let my life be so open for them to see.. fear of them not being able to accept who i really am in front of God, who I am to my frens, my likes, my dislikes, my life and the things that would affect me, that would make me happy or cry... fear of being criticized, of being judged... fear of sharing this faith I have that transformed my life, about Jesus who is so real in my life and all that He has done for me.. fear of being tongue tied of what to say in front of them, constantly having to search for things to talk about, realizing i m so quiet and uncomfortable of who i m in front of them yet unable to break through that mask...

perhaps all these because they are the people who matter most to me. how they think of me affects me more than any other frens do. how i would be so affected, break down and cry over them or about situations I am stuck in with them more than anybody else, when I am alone under the refuge of God's arm... remembering how God bottles up my every tears each time I cry... yet unable to express it, being fearful of expressing it.. it all seems so hard to me.. when it's actually so easy.. just be myself, no pretence, speak of the truth, be unafraid to share who I really am to them whether anot they may approve/disapprove.. coz it's more damaging for me to be someone I am not or do things against my own nature just to please them.. but of course doing all these lovingly, letting them know I still love them even when there's disagreement. That I find it hard, to fight for things that I hold dear. To be unafraid to show them who I really am...

Lord, help me breakthrough. I know it's time I grow up and step out of this comfort zone. with er jie's marriage in less than 4 months.. with me graduating in less than a year or 2... with me getting married in another few years' time, leaving my parents and forming my own family... I need to step out and be an adult. no longer the protected little xiao mei under my parent's arms, even though I'll always be one in their eyes... to be proactive in building a rs with my parents, initiative to call and go out and talk to them.. initiative to honour them with my finances.. to shower them with more love and let them know I will be here to take care of them..

Lord, relationship precedes ministry.. help me Lord. show me how to love with the love you've given me...

rained @ 12:34 AM

My sacrifices to you: a contrite spirit, a trusting heart, a willing attitude, my time, my prayers, my tears..

Your sacrifices to me: Jesus on the cross, EVERYTHING I could ask for in my life..

Lord, too many times I turn my face away from thee, many times I fall because I see my problems bigger than you, forgetting tt u r the mighty God tt everything happens because of your permission n nothing is too difficult for you.. But Lord no matter how many times or how badly I fell, you never ever let me go..

Lord, here I come once again, surrendering all tt I have at ur altar, giving u all I have in exchange of all of you.. Lord I believe tt u will deliver me just like how u deliver the children of Isreal, tt u will fulfill all your promises just like how ur words never fail, tt u'll restore all rs when all seem hard n difficult.

Jesus, my little prayer.. The one thing I ask that I may dwell in your house forever.

Love, your beloved child,
Xiu

rained @ 10:29 PM