Thoughts...
Haven blogged for very long..
2010 is gone and here comes 2011...
Every year presents itself in a new and exciting way to me ever since I received Christ..
May I say that 2010 was a year of many breakthroughs for me..
and thus also particularly challenging in many ways to me..
Let me try to recall my year..
2010, started itself with me getting over a past rs, feeling much better, less crying till no crying..
God mends all broken heart and He does it much faster and better than if I have done it by my own strength I am sure... And thinking back, I dont know how I can do any of it without Him, being at the bottom pit of my life, never feeling so devastated before.. But looking back, I know it's all to make me stronger..
And a gift of a new guy God has in stored for me.. zicheng a great great support who saw me through my many challenges, ups and downs.. who accepted me in many ways which I expect any guy to have flee.. but he held on nonetheless.. We are imperfect in many ways, but a rs with christ in the centre is like 2 sinners at the foot of the cross.. out of God's world, we are nth, nth holds for sure.. but all from God.. repentance and prayers and trusting Him to blossom the rs.. Love is patient.. (:
JCRC.. dedicating most of my energy and time during my 1st half of the year as cultural director,giving so much and neglecting so much of other stuff.. the whole pressure of being asked to run for president.. i must say i experienced much from JCRC.. but it was nothing like 30th council.. I guess nth can ever replace 30th in my heart! (: and maybe cultural was sth totally new for me.. it drained alot from me being in JCRC.. so much tt i seem to lose myself n my priorities.. lowest in cap and so little time for frens.. but still i wont say i regret being part of this team.. I learned things as well and one of the greatest gift from being in JCRC was Anne Tan (: being able to work with her, share my probs and being close to her through our sharings and bible studies tgt (: A great sister I've found through it all.. The only thing that was probably lasting..
My second trip back to COSI cambodia, it was a refreshing trip.. I will never forget being on the bus, taking the 1 hour bumpy trip into the orphanage.. nostalgia and excitement that fills my heart, of seeing the kids after hours of flight.. with sister germ and julie, 2nd time with me (: sister mango shimin, brother soksam samuel, brother rifdi, brother junfu and brother zee zicheng (: so much more done this time.. placards to teach, stationaries, whiteboards and chairs, clothes books bags and toys we brough along, brushing teeth sessions with toothbrushes and toothpastes, videos and photo montage for them to keep as memory.. I dont know when I will be able to go back there again, but I will not forget the amazing kids and ah gong ah ma whom I got to know this time round... an amazing godly couple who showed me the sacrificial love of God through their love to the kids.. and their testimony of God's work in their life.. and not forgetting memorable vietnam trip with super delicious red bean drink, saigon hospital... motorbike incidents every few min.. glimpse of the kind of healthcare they received over there.. mekong delta, chuchi.. land of fruits and vegetable.. tourguide tt looks like mango mango mango.. pho hoa tourguide etc..
Orientation.. my 1st arts camp in my 3rd year which was quite enjoyable! I will esp rmb the day where we tricked the poor boy tt we were all from diff og during intrahouse bonding.. and he felt super cheated after tt.. haha and all the interesting cheers! (: and psych camp orientation acting as lola bunny, a narcissistic compulsive gambler. and hall orientation.. every year diff for me.. 1st yr as freshie, 2nd yr as thoc, this yr as a full time counsellor.. elpia with great spirit and my brother shouting his lungs out for kratos.. having my bro here in orientation with me was love (: i appreciate how he come all the way to hall for me, though i know it is not his cup of tea! and agreeing to do rag and be poseidon coz i was athena.. and an achievement tt he managed to stay half a sem.. haha! i love my brother (:
Many 21st bdays parties.. celebrate the milestone of my frens life, visited unique places and met frens of frens.. And my own 21st... no big parties like tt of my frens, so receiving most wishes on fb and sms.. maybe not liking crowd as much as I do when I grow up? But I enjoyed mine.. which I will rmb many yrs to come.. A simple one with my family and grandparents at 10@ claymore which I randomly chose because of discount I get to enjoy haha.. but i am surprised how my gugus msged me to wish me days before and tell me how my grandparents are happy i invited them along to celebrate with them.. to me tt was joy (: then a simple one put tgt by my hall frens.. Applebee at somerset triple 1... photo montage tt qi made for me which was very nice with msges at the back.. (: nice cupcakes that fel and dc baked for me.. and jeremy and may treating me for tt meal.. Amazing race from zc.. bouquet of flower, which I realized after that he fell into the drain while getting it for me.. french fries to give me energy as I walked from hall to PGP to west coast, finding clues and my present and ending with a huge surprise for me at west coast, the place that was special to him cos that was where he received christ.. the candles that he was trying to keep alive while waiting for me to arrive..
and on the actual day having the privilege to spend it in church and celebrating at fish and co. with edmund, shirley and dirissa (: of cos post celebration with claire, noob and cm, and universal studios with luis shihui and zc which must be the most memorable one though not in a good way! hahaa.. cos we got accused of doing sth we did not do and was chased out.. but apart from tt horrible experience with USS, it was otherwise a great day spent tgt with them (:
My thoughts on 21st, or bdays in general.. I guess we all want bdays that are amazing.. nth wrong.. and it shld be a day to enjoy blessings and love from friends and family.. yet I feel sad at the complains tt ppl may have after tt because of disappointments and expectations.. or doubts in friendships which I dont think is justifiable based on 1 bday.. I dunno I just always feel tt the weight of any friendship shld not be weighed upon how much was done for a bday.. why shld the things being done on a bday be more impt than the things that were done on any ordinary day.. shldnt that be done on an ordinary day be more significant, since it was out of the norm? maybe cos my bday always fall on exams period.. so i dun really get to celebrate much.. and i know of ppl who simply could not afford to have enough to have grand parties or any party at all.. because their money must be put to better use.. of everything tt was so simple over there in COSI, I hear of how the kids would be jealous when some kids gets celebration over another.. the intention being good because alot of kids have bday in tt month.. but it was viewed as favouritism by others.. and ah ma being sensitive to the fact and stop all bday celebrations because not all kids can have and simply giving them a set of old pajamas to them on their bday.. tt alrdy being a luxury to them, and to us here in SG, a party is really a luxury that some have that others cant, which is quite sad to think abt sometimes.. the difference in social class.. and so my view of bdays become less impt over the years.. Bday is really more of a day of thanksgiving.. for the years of life, love and friendship... In sec 4 I rmb I would still feel really upset for the whole day when my close friends forget to wish me on the dot at 12 midnight, and turn out they really forgot because of exams.. but now, I guessed no longer.. I'll undstd when frens forget, because I forget sometimes too.. and it's sad tt because of how advance we have progressed, we have to start depending on facebook to rmb or to know abt one's bday.. no longer making extra making the usual extra effort to try to rmb.. less personal i would feel.. I myself am guilty sometimes.. most of the bday dates I can rmb are those of my family, close sec sch and some JC frens.. and myself face the anxiety before bday.. but I learnt to take it with a pin chang xin.. and it really helps because bdays has become much more enjoyable for me ever since, with no expectations and hence no disappointments.. but I dunno if this change of attitude towards bday has resulted in me neglecting many frens bdays or maybe not meeting their expectations.. sometimes i wonder.. and if it really did, i apologize.. but I never did love any friends less because of bdays..
Breakthrough in my church going.. particularly self defeated and angry with God at one point of time this year.. feeling isolated and that God is not helping me and everything was agst me.. that nobody really did care abt that which was impt to me.. never asking me how I really was doing or what I really wanted.. yet at the same time, no longer really knowing what my convictions are.. heart grown cold.. took me so much courage to step out once again to fight, to confront my mum about my church issue.. it has been such a long battle.. 4 yrs since i knew God, 3 yrs since i started church.. on off church attendance, being over the moon for opportunites i had for christmas or easter... finding especially hard to defy my mum to fight for sth i really want, and the both of us ending up being emotionally broken each time.. the fears, the pressures, the hurt, the injuries inflicted, the unforgiveness and bitterness.. But God made a way, He really did when I finally stepped forward to talk to my mum.. Things are so much easier for me now, though I still carry fear week after week before I go out, but the objections are so much less.. hittings, emotional blackmails and threats to occassional scoldings and phonecall.. all for the best isnt it? (: and no doubts I still love my mum, even if we may have issues with church.. and it was because of tt tt i feel so torn all the time.. and my 1st christmas in city harvest church after 3 years... and 1st friend I brought with me to the place that mattered to me.. thanks for coming Dom, I hope u enjoyed urself.. you dont know how much it meant to me tt u came (: And thank God for helping me assimilate back to cell, my fears of fitting in, of their understanding and judgement and all.. are all unneccessary.. how could I let myself be decieved by the lies of devil that I will be alone, with no one to support or understand me.. I am so grateful for all the love and acceptance tt I have received from cell so far, esp when I feel so unworthy.. but let me not forget the main reason for wanting to go church, for God.. which I guess if I did not go through all these persecutions I will be so prone to take for granted given my imperfect nature.. and not forgetting multiplication of cell grp, following shiming after 3 yrs with wayne.. gor gor's and zc's baptism and 2 bible studies session I completed.. christian lifestyle and Foundational truth 1 (:
and my family.. rs much better with mummy, with my dearest da jie and jiefu moving back home with us and able to see my cute little naughty nephew tao tao every so often and celebrating his 1st year bday (: and never forgetting the passing away of ah po..
studies with exciting modules like group dynamics.. with baking and taboo game.. and understanding universe with meteoriod experiment..
and a sem of level of great A2 love (: with huiping, suying, qi, anne, heon and pingsiew.. greatest level spirit in my hall life thus far (:
21km run! which was a once in a life time (dying) experience for me! haha.. but i wont mind going another time except i have a huge huge inertia and i promise to train up more this time round..
and my teaching attachment at ECPS, doing a project on their continual below average maths PSLE results, meeting really great teachers who inspired me, looking forward to my future teaching career and opening up my options of teaching in primary school..
So I guess tt's it, the major few events I could think of this year.. 2011 will be a greater year yet for me.. God always move me from glory to glory.. The year will be exciting starting with my er jie's wedding in less than 2 weeks time, the 2nd wedding in my house.. new changes, new responsibilities.. esp being 21, a reminder that I am an adult that I have to bear the consequences of all the choices I made in life.. frens going for sep and some others ending their studies and returning, many breakthroughs that I am still awaiting.. spiritual life.. cell grp and ministry in church, studies.. honours year and future career directions, rs with zc, family and friends.. And I believe I will have a great story to tell in another year's time! (:
