Decided to hide the previous post cos I know I sounded very angst and self righteous, which is not good.
Thank God for frens like steph, who would be honest with me. We all really need frens who are unafraid to offend us and point out our mistakes to us.
Thank you God also for my Gor gor for always giving his advice and support to me, for being such an awesome brother to me.
Thank you Nich who would meet me up when I ringed him up, no matter how last min, just to hear me out.
Thank you Nich and Sen for encouraging me to go up to visit cell, even though there was so much holding me back, mainly for fear of judgment. Thank you for encouraging me.
Thank you zicheng for loving me despite all my weaknesses, for experiencing my emotions with me and being there with and for me no matter what.
My sis and I are okay already. Zicheng was right to say tt it was pointless for siblings to stay angry with each other for long, no point. I know it was no point too, but I did not know why I was so affected too.
Thank you Jesus for showing me how imperfect I was through this incident, how prideful and evil I can be. I didnt like it at all. And I know only Jesus could change me when I trust and surrender to Him, to do the moulding, to humble myself and to honour His Great Commandment--- to love Him & to love people.
Then, was my special semester 1. It has been so difficult for me. To know tt I want to do my honours and not ready to graduate, yet not meeting the mark. There was so much for me to regret and be dissatisfied about. Why I didnt S/U that Sci Gem in yr 1 sem 1, it would raised my cap by 0.025.. How running of JCRC pulled my cap down so much, failed 1 mod and had to redo and whether it was worth it.. How my results last semester did not meet my expectation at all, I was confident and expected a much better result, instead of avg B.Why I had to take 2 special semesters to pull my cap, when my peers could easily meet their honours requirement and be enjoying their holidays?
I was so unmotivated to study at some points of time in my special sem 1, yet knowing I have to do well. I had to get at least an A and a B+, or 2 A- in order to do my honours. It was that strict, to get a B would mean my chance is over, and B was what I have been getting more often than not my entire NUS life. It is really stressful for me. Not only do I have to study hard, I have to handle all the NUS and MOE restrictions set upon me. I could not appeal, I had to do 3000 modules which wasnt offered in special sem 2, I had to report for NIE.. It really drives me to frustration so many times. But thank God who made a way for me, tt I met 2 nice coordinators who answered promptly to my blasts of emails and was helpful in helping me with my requests. Thank God for nice tutors and master who was willing to write recommendation letters for me. Thank you God tt NUS eventually allowed me to do a 1000 module in special sem 2, in consideration that there was no suitable 3000 module for me to do, and MOE side was kind to defer me from my NIE appointment till a later date so I can concentrate on my sem 2.
Thank God for a great tutor Dr Wong for my property management course, thank you God I met familiar face Augustine. And thank you God I had zicheng who was running and supporting me during the entire term. The results came and the results blew me away. I did not have a good sleep the night before, I woke up many times in the middle of the night checking my phone, cos I know tt sometimes they send the results to us before 9am. But by 10am the results did not come, I got anxious and checked online only to see tt it will only be out at 11am. I spent remaining of time praying, I prayed for peace, prayed to have faith to trust in Him no matter what the result might be, prayed to have an A but I had little confidence, so I mainly prayed for peace and trust. 11am came, the results was not sent to me, then Augustine told me I must check from myisis. So I did, and tears start streaming down my eyes when I saw the A+ and cap of 3.48 from 3.43. I really could hardly believe my eyes I refreshed the page many time just to confirm. I was touched beyond words, God was so so good to me. My 1st A+, God performed the miracle tt I needed for me. A was sufficient for me. Though A+ makes no difference to the grade as A, yet it was such a huge huge encouragement from God to me, tt He is with me. That this longer journey that I am taking is not to crush me but to strengthen me, that it is for my good. He was faithful even though I knew many times during my studies in Special Sem 1 that I was not, tt I wanted to give up and did not see a point in working hard if I could not break through from the restrictions by NUS and MOE. But zc encouraged me, tt I had to work hard so that God can do the rest. That if I don't work hard, there is nothing God can do to help me. And I saw how He did the miracles for me, even though I knew my answer for the last essay question was very disorganized. I did not had time and hence did not plan my answer and wrote whatever that came to my mind, hence my points were all over the place.
I must get at least a B+ for my coming special semester 2. Though many people keep tell me "Aiyah, can one la!", I am not taking it for granted, for I know how difficult it is for me to get a B+. And this module study of names is really not that easy. I know it can only be done through God's strength and intervention. I know I have to depend and trust in Him, and find peace in His plans, wherever it might lead me.. I pray my faith will not waver, that I will always trust in Him and His plans for me.
And I know I was setting myself up for something that was not easy when I asked to do Honours, that is why I need Him more than ever before to carry me through my Honours year. It will be difficult for me to maintain my grades of 3.5. My psych mods have never been of very good grades, and it was my other non psych mods that are pulling my grades up. My grades for psych has always been C, C+, B-, B and the best B+ was only a few modules. 4 4000 psych modules in 2 semesters, to get the 2nd lower, only God can bring me through. And I cannot bid for any 4000 modules till my special sem 2 results are out, so God please guide me through my appeal for my 4000 modules too, that I will get my ideal modules in sem 1.
And finally zicheng met my parents for the 1st time. haha 1st meeting go overseas to JB, no wonder he was so nervous, he needed to go to the toilet last min and coughed so much again. But it turned out good and he finally got to see my parents for himself, instead of just hearing me talk about them. Daddy was toastmaster self, singing, telling jokes and entertaining the bus whole day, overthrowing the tour guide. it was quite funny, i told zc my dad usually isnt like this, only in front of friends. Mummy was quiet but zc felt she was those kind dont talk much but very warm one, so kanchiong ran around helping zc find shoes and asking whether he back home and all. Thank you Lord for my unique family. May I learn to open up more to them, to appreciate and love them more. And you have brought zicheng and I so far, continue to watch over our rs. We have met each other's cell leaders, friends and parents, last people to meet, my sisters and jiefus (: He's in ICT for a week. Jia you in reservice dear! (:
I am happy that even during hols with special sem, I am able to meet up with frens and go for activities like kickboxing. Am glad many overseas frens are back/are coming back! (: miss all of them! and 3 months holiday really is flying pass fast! just 1 more month to the end of it. less than a month to exams! It has been a well-spent holidays. And CONGRATS to all those convocating this year! (: Lord, continue to bless me through rest of the holidays! <3
