Candlelight service was amazing..
So was zc'c cell thanksgiving.. esp the night activity.
I am really so thankful that zc's cell is always so welcoming of me and they always make me feel at home.
The night activity, we did a booklet out of an A4 paper and drew pictures of diff events at diff stages of our lives that define us and went round to share..
I was so blessed by the session. So many of them went through difficult things at such young age-abuse, death, violence etc. In contrast, my environment has been so sheltered since young. My difficulties seem to fade in contrast to theirs, many of them have been through things much worse than mine. I was deeply encouraged by their courage and faith.
I saw how diverse God created us to be, our character, our personality, our life circumstances. I was amazed to learn of how different we all are. Yet a unifying theme in our sharing was how God reached into our lives, how our lives changed for the better when we accepted Christ and how our past shape us into who we are today. No doubt following Christ is not a bed of roses, but we all are in a better position than we used to be.
It was such a meaningful session, to know one another, to minister to one another. It was far more meaningful than bonding through games or random talks. It was through trust in one another and acceptance and forgiveness of our past through Christ that we may be able to share our lives with a group of people. It was such a close and deep fellowship, I was truly blessed by it :)
Such opportunity is rare and I do treasure it. I hope I will be able to have the opportunity to do this with my cell someday. I feel there's so much more I want to know of each of them. But sometimes it's hard to break the ice, and such activity allows the opportunity to do so. Looking forward to such an opportunity someday :)

Random sharing that I rmb deeply..

1) Do not lose hope when you feel you are alone. For as long as there is a flicker light, it has the ability to light up the whole world, like what we witness in candlelight service.

In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven. - Matt 5:16

2) How our life circumstances make us even more sensitive to the word of God. I could not remember the messages that Pastor preached sometime back, but people were able to share the messages because those were the words that spoke to them/of their situation, hence they can remember them. Like how we can be alone and not lonely, but how we can be lonely even when we are in a crowd, because loneliness in an interior attitude while being alone is not.

3) How blessed I truly am to have a complete family and how God has indeed poured so much blessings into my life

4) How God could through our persistence in going to church even when we feel like giving up, to speak to the people we want to reach out to..

May I always remember this special moment :)
Goodnight!

rained @ 3:49 AM

It's time for me to go Taiwan. But I can't bear to leave, things I have in Singapore even though it's just a short 8days. Dear.. It may be one of our worst quarrels yest. Fear of losing grips me like anything. What if I lose it again, my spoilt self that's always demanding. But God is good, His promises I hang on to. And today our relationship felt stronger because we overcame. I would not watch the movie with anybody else. 那些年我们一起追的女孩。it taught me sth, and it taught u sth too. Our past haunts us time and again. But we are each other's lost love that we found back, and it's not going to be the same as before. Let's have greater faith in God and in each other. Thank you for giving ur best to me, and always wanting to be even better for me. Love is not measured by the amount of gifts or luxury, but every effort and simple things, that you did for me, especially in your lack these things become all the more precious and true to me. Better a meal of vegetables where there is love than a fattened calf with hatred. Prov 15:17

And my mummy.. The past few months have been trying for her. My heart breaks for her. I know whatever the Lord allows her to go through is good for her, I just pray that it would not be so painful, that she will be able to overcome. That in her brokenness she may find you Lord..Enlarge my capacity too, to be more focus and seek you even more. To have the courage to fulfil the plans you have for me right here in this place. To mould and change my character, to be more mature and more like you.

Going to Taiwan. I love the feeling of being overseas. But I have learnt over the years too, Lord taught me.. That it's not that impt after all. The novelty people seek in overseas trip,SEP.. Cos there are alrdy many beautiful things around us, that we take for granted when always seek out the "greener pasture". Being able to go overseas is a privilege and a blessing that the Lord gives, but even without it life doesn't become any worse. Simplicity is beautiful. Contentment is the way to happiness. So, while I may feel I can't put down things here in SG, I m also thankful for this opportunity to take a breather and be at Taiwan. First time I dun feel overwhelmed with excitement about overseas trip, just a feeling of calm and gratefulness. I trust the Lord to take care of my mummy for me, and I know I can count on er jie and dear too. while we are in Taiwan. Thank you Jesus I trust in you, grant us journey mercy and teach me sth thru this trip again, which I can share w dear when I get back. Amen.

rained @ 2:39 AM

I am a controller, a silent controller. I have expectations for people, especially for people I care about. And when expectations are not met, I feel disappointed, very disappointed. Up to the degree of self righteousness. I could act like i dont care, psycho myself to believe i dont care, say i dont care, just to mask my disappointments. And those feelings would affect my rs with these people. But, in the first place, why these expectations? Because i am selfish and always look within myself, want to glorify myself instead of putting God first. If God is first, I would not act according to impulse, I would not have outbursts at people, would not have so much unhappiness within me, wouldn't I? I am a silent controller, I need to learn to stop controlling people within myself. To let go!!! To learn to be expectation-free. To see things from people's perspective. To not assume the worst but the best in people. To love people genuinely, without expecting anything in return. Because it's so hypocritical to act and not feel the same. How to be genuine, for my actions, speech and feelings to be in sync. I realize it's a huge thing I struggle with... Jesus please teach me how to be genuine, to put on the belt of righteousness..

rained @ 10:23 PM

I have learnt so much through all these trials and tribulations. And I still rmb John's bevere msg on relentless.. Abt stop seeing trials as sufferings but joy to partake in His kingdom's purpose. Dynamics in my family is changing. We are communicating more. We have to change when situation throws us in such disarray that we have to act. Which otherwise we may be too complacent or fearful to act when things are peaceful. But the fear of losing, the faith of promises of God that will come to pass, the hope of love for my family and I.. These keep me going on.. To keep my hope alive and not be weary.. We must persevere and we must persevere long enough.. Shiming says to me.

Through all the tears, I found Jesus to be my most stable rock. Through my anxiety, I know how Jesus is the only one who could offer me peace. Through desolation, I saw who are the people who truly care. I learnt how loving someone is not just about the lip service which in our time and technology is so prone of doing, because of Facebook and smses. Social media have stolen away from us the personal touch which a phone call, a card, a meet up could do. Through this period, the friends who truly touch me are those who went out of the way, who not just talk the talk, but walk the walk. Who not just did what they said but went way beyond what was expected.

I saw the love my mum receives from her frens, frens who have been together for decades and still meetup biweekly. And that truly makes me envious of their generation. Love is about being physically and emotionally present, about doing practical things, about acts of service. It's not an act of obligation. For friends who truly went out of the way, to press into my life and love me despite my absence, even when i least deserve to. Thank you. For being understanding when I have to cancel on our meetups time and again because of things that crop up. thank you. I thank God for the love I receive during this period. I cry very much lately, many times not cos of the difficulty of the trials God is putting me through. I have hope. I cry because I moved by the love and grace of God and all the love He has given to me thru the people around me, in the midst of my trial. I cry in heartache of my mummy, in prayers of how I can be a better daughter and lover for her.

God can use me, God sure can. I know that I know that I know, at the end point, I will see my family with me, worshipping and serving God together, basking in His love for us, for eternity.

I love you mummy, my strong and beautiful mummy.

rained @ 12:52 AM

Love hate relationship with hospital.
Mummy heart rate please come down. I m so worried. Please pray for her.... :(

rained @ 12:35 AM